


Stages of Grief

by poppetawoppet



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: F/M, Gen, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-03
Updated: 2009-09-03
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris helps Anoop deal with grief in a series of phone calls</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stages of Grief

DENIAL

"WHAT?" Kris sat down.

Anoop's voice is uneven, his breath hitching. "There was a car accident."

"Anoop, I mean, how, when....are you okay?"

The laugh on the other end of the line is short, rough. "No, I'm not okay. She--she was driving home from a meeting with her ex. I don't know what happened. I'll let you know."

*

"Just wanted to say thank you so much for everything you did while you were here man."

"No, problem, Anoop. How are you holding up?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I hear the door open and I think it's gonna be her man. There wasn't enough time," Anoop murmured, the pain stretching his voice.

"I know this may not be much of a comfort..."

"I'll take anything at this point."

Kris sighed. "In the little time you had, were you happy?"

The silence on the other end lengthens, and Kris can hear Anoop shift. "Deliriously."

"Then know this: sometimes, even if something only lasts a little bit, even if all you have is one moment, then that moment is special, that moment was forever. Does that make sense?"

"Since when did you become an expert on heartbreak?"

Kris closed his eyes. "I know more than you think."

ANGER

Kris looked at the text, eyebrows raised. _I need u to come bail me out_

 _Anoop? What the hell?_

 _Just do it._

 _Why me?_

 _Cause I know you are here. Because you would understand._

 _What did you do?_

 _I may have, uh, spoken forcefully to Meg's ex._

 _Anoop._

 _I know. Just come help a brother, okay?  
_  
*

"So the judge let you off with a warning?"

"Yeah. Said that since Mr. Corkrey wasn't hurt and didn't want to pursue pressing charges, he'd let me off with a warning. As long as I promised to go to anger management classes."

"Are you angry?"

"Of course I'm angry. I''m angry at him, because if he wasn't such an asshole she wouldn't have been on that road. I'm angry that I didn't go with her. I'm angry because every day I wake up and she's not there..."

"You're angry because fate  dealt you a hand you couldn't control."

"Exactly. Have you ever been so angry at God that you didn't want to believe anymore?"

"Yes. Many times."

"Recently?"

Kris paused. "Yes."

"How did you release the anger? How did you get past it?"

"I didn't. A part of me is still angry that God sent certain things my way, that I was forced to make choices, that I may have chosen wrong, that maybe both choices I had were wrong, maybe both were right. But I've learned to accept my choices, to accept that I cannot control everything God sends my way, I can only deal with it as it comes to me."

"I'm pretty sure I'm far away from acceptance."

"That's okay. Acceptance is hard to come by. I still have a hard time accepting some things in my life. You may never accept fully. But you may have to call Danny on that one. He would know."

*

BARGAINING

"Why is it you are always calling me?"

"Because you listen, Kris. Because somehow you seem to understand. I don't know."

"Thanks. Just call me Dr. Allen."

The laughter on the other end seems genuine, if slightly hysterical. "So, doctor..."

Kris grins. "Yes?"

"I tried to convince myself today that maybe if I never called Danny a jerk again, I could bring her back."

"Not even that kind of sainthood can bring back the dead."

"I shouldn't be laughing."

"Yes you should."

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am. And trust me, no amount of haggling will change things. You know that."

"I know."

*

 _what if I swore to wear Duke colors for like a week?_

 _no._

 _if I gave up singing?  
_ _  
no_

 _what do I have to do to bring her back?  
_ _  
you can't_

 _why_

 _because that's not how it works. because no mater how hard you beg, it's over. No matter how much you wish for one more day, for one more minute, one last kiss, you can't have it_

 _Kris?_

 _Yeah?_

 _are you okay?_

 _I'm fine._

 _You sure?"_

 _No. But who is?_

 _*_

 __DEPRESSION

There is no one on the other end, just the sound of someone sobbing.

"Anoop?"

"Anoop?"

"It was our anniversary today."

"Are you drunk?"

"Getting there."

"Okay. Who can I call to come stay with you?"

"No one, I'm fine."

"Bullshit."

"Kris Allen! Hahahaha, do you know that I bought her a present for today?"

"Anoop..."

"I was going to marry her man."

"Anoop."

"Do you remember that time you called me right after the tour?"

Kris sighs, rubbing his face. "Yeah."

"You were super moody."

"Yeah."

"Payback's a bitch."

"I wasn't drunk though."

"Yeah, but you were depressed."

"Don't remind me."

"Why were you depressed? You had-you have everything, man."

"Anoop."

"Really? I mean, you have the perfect wife, a shit ton of Grammys a gorgeous baby boy, how could you understand?"

"Then why are you calling me?"

"I don't know."

The dial tone hums in his ear. Kris rubs his neck, opens his guitar case, fingering the envelope tucked just inside. He still hasn't opened it, not in the years since he found it stealthily tucked there. He has wondered in that time what it said, was afraid that it would make his regret worse.The phone rings.

"Yeah?"

"I think maybe you understand better than anyone. Even Danny."

"Why is that?"

"Because you have to live with it staring you in the face."

"I'm not sure what you are talking about."

"I remember that phone call. You were fucking tearing apart at the seams, and no one could figure out why. Or so you thought."

"Anoop."

"You lost something, didn't you? Someone? And unlike me, he's still there."

"Anoop, you're drunk."

"But not stupid."

"And if I said you were right?"Kris whispered, his heart pounding, worried that Katy would walk in, that someone was listening.

"Then maybe I should be the doctor and should be comforting you."

ACCEPTANCE

"Do you believe in reincarnation, Kris?"

"I don't know. It's not really part of my upbringing. Why?"

"Because I'd like to believe that somewhere else, sometime else we lived happily ever after and annoyed each other for the next seventy years or so."

Kris smiled. "If that's what you believe, then go for it."

"So you think if you were given another lifetime, things would work out differently?"

Kris closed his eyes. "I prefer not to think about it at all."

"Guess that means you haven't reached acceptance then."

"No, Dr. Desai, I haven't. You?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I think I can say that every day gets a little easier. I still have her ring. Even though she didn't get to see it, it's a part of her. You know?"

"Yeah."

*

 _so you going to Adam's wedding?_

 _of course I am Anoop. I'm his best friend._

 _You want to get drunk with me?_

 _You know I can't._

 _You want to sit with me while I get drunk?_

 _OK_

 _You gonna make it?_

 _Sure. It's fine. Really._

 _*_

 __Kris satin the studio again, blocked by the last week, grinning as he remembered Anoop was still sleeping on his couch, that Katy was probably mothering him right this very moment. He touched the envelope, stared at the loopy handwriting. He sighed, opening it at last.

 _Kris,_

 _I could fill a thousand pages and still not truly express everything that should be said. Mostly I'm sorry. Sorry that all we had was two kisses and a lot of snuggling. Sorry that I put you in a position to choose. Sorry that I couldn't choose for you. Sorry that a part of me will always love you, no matter what. Sorry that you will always be torn no matter what you say._

 _But I'm also happy. Because you do love Katy, you do belong with her, in this lifetime. Because we had something special, and we'll always have it, really. Maybe next life, huh?_

 _You take care of my girl, okay?_

 _Adam_

 __Kris folded the letter, puts it back. Seeing Adam happily married had made him happy, too. He still wondered, still wished things could have been different. That he didn't love both of them so much.

"Anoop?"

"Hey man, you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Do you really believe in reincarnation? I mean really?"

"Sure. Why?"

"Cause I want to believe too."  
 


End file.
